Nostalgia
by scarletdreams26
Summary: Ciel x Lizzie. Reflections on their screwed-up relationship. Can be viewed as friendship or romance.


**Hi there! This is my first Kuroshitsuji fic, but bear with me, ok?**

**So I know Lizzie isn't a very popular character and I know Lizzie x Ciel is even less popular... strangely enough, though, I absolutely adore Lizzie and I think she's a really great person inside. She's more than just that annoying little girl, you know? She does it all to make Ciel smile. She's willing to sacrifice for him. I can admire that. **

**This is basically just their reflecting/wishful thinking on their screwed-up relationship. Give it a chance?**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Kuroshitsuji, why would I be writing fanfiction about it?**

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_**Elizabeth:**_

I just want you to be happy again.

That smile. That laugh. Those twinkling blue eyes.

I remember it all.

I just want it all back.

I remember my soft giggle as I grabbed your hand, racing through the woods with you in tow. You didn't resist back then. You didn't run away.

The corners of your lips tugging upwards. The sound of happiness ringing through the trees.

You didn't even try to block me out. _Where did that go?_

I remember the sun, shining brightly, high in the sky. You know, the sun doesn't seem to shine anymore. It's so dark now. Do you ever notice? Would you even care?

I remember the lake. Our lake. Glittering, clear water. Sky the color of snow in your eyes.

We spent hours by that lake, didn't we? We would arrive – bursting through the leaves and branches, emerging into open light, panting, laughing – we'd sit down. We'd talk. Giggle. Smile. Watch the waves dance in ripples and swirls.

I remember teaching you how to dance, once. My hand on your shoulder, your hand on my waist. Twirling around on clumsy feet. You'd stepped on my new shoes so I'd pushed you into the water. You'd glared, jumped up, and pulled me in too.

That was fun, wasn't it? Even though we'd both ended up soaked to the bone. Even though you'd gotten my favorite blue dress wet and messed up my hair and ruined my new shoes. Even though, after that, we'd both had to spend a week stuck in bed with colds.

I wish we could be like that again! So carefree, so untroubled. We haven't gone back to that lake in so long… Tell me, please, tell me – what changed?

Was it when your parents died?

Is it because you lost everything? Because you didn't. Not everything, you know. I'm still here. I'm still waiting for you.

I just want to see you smile again. I just want to hear you laugh. I just want those blue, blue eyes to twinkle at one more inside joke, one more time – just like they used to.

_Ciel, I'm drowning! Drowning in nostalgia… _

_**Ciel:**_

I just want you to be safe.

No more blood. No more tears.

No more suffering for me.

Please.

When we were younger, you were my best friend. Those laughs we shared, those cheerful summer days...

I don't know when they stopped, really. Perhaps we just both grew up. Perhaps we grew apart.

Now, you're my fiancée. Aren't we supposed to love each other? Aren't marriages supposed to be… out of affection?

When I say I love you, I mean it. But I can't.

There's a brick wall between us, don't you understand? I may be the one building it, but I do not regret a single block. It's for your own good. Your own protection.

_No more blood, no more tears, no more suffering. _

Let me tell you something, right here, right now. There's a secret I've got, you see. You can't know what it is. No one can. At least, no living mortal. But I'll tell you this – if you get involved… with _me_… with me and this secret of mine… you'll never see happiness again, I swear.

I don't want that. I want you to be happy. I don't want to cost you anything more. You've given me enough.

But I can't help but reminisce and I can't help but hope. I can see the pain in your emerald eyes when I push you away, but you can't see the pain in mine. Don't be angry. I need to be a good actor. For your own protection.

I can't help but wonder, you know? Speculate what it might have been like if I could tell you everything. I can't help but wonder if I'd made the right choice.

I don't think I regret a single step I've taken, and if I were able to live it again, I would have done it all the same. But I can't help but wonder.

I wish there were no more secrets. I wish we could be young again. I wish I didn't have to keep running and hiding from you. But I have to.

_Because I love you, Elizabeth. But I have to fight the nostalgia. _

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**Mmkay... I know it was short. Any mistakes? (Grammer kills me :P) Critique? Flames? REVIEW PLEASE! **


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